While HJ and I were riding the bike to the park the other night, the inevitable question came. “Mommy, why me no have a daddy?”
I was huffing and puffing pulling his trailer on the bike. We were on a stretch affectionately referred to as “the hill”, so I was hardly able to talk. This forced me to give a short answer while thousands of thoughts went through my head. “Because you just have a mommy.”
“Yeah,” he said, “I have a mommy!”
And that was it. I need to remember that he is only 3. As he gets older, more information will be needed, but for now, short and sweet was perfect. He hasn’t brought it up again, but it has crossed my mind numerous times. My thoughts on how to answer were all over the board. Here are some of thoughts I had…
All families are different. Some have just a mommy, some just a daddy, some have 2 mommies or 2 daddies and some have one of each. And then there are those who have step-parents, step-siblings, half siblings, surrogates, oh dear lord the list goes on and on. All families are different.
Your mommy loves you so very much, and that is all you need.
Your father is not man enough to be a daddy. Any guy can be a father, it takes someone special to be a daddy.
Your father loves you very much, he just couldn’t be with us.
It’s because of me. Your father dislikes me so much, it has nothing to do with you. You, my sweet boy, are perfect.
You see, I fear for the moment when this starts to bother HJ. I won’t be able to stand seeing him hurt. I don’t want his dad to break his heart like he did to me. I hope that I am giving HJ the information he needs for his age. I hope I never keep or hide things from him, but at the same time, I hope it never hurts him.
I feel sorry for your father, HJ. He will never know how amazing you are. He doesn’t know how much you like to help, or act goofy with your friends. He doesn’t know that when you are tired you like to cuddle up and play with my hair. He doesn’t realize how much you would love to ride in his truck or look at the motorcycle. He doesn’t know that you would love his dogs. He doesn’t know that you have memorized the names of construction trucks, and that you think mommy should trade in her car for a BIG truck.
He doesn’t see how you crawl into my bed every morning and talk to me while I get ready.
He doesn’t know that you will eat an entire container of blueberries in one sitting. Or that you call blueberries juicy-s. He doesn’t know your weak spot is for chocolate and cookies.
He doesn’t know that you love playing with your friend’s dads. When they give you attention, you swoon, laugh and do anything to keep their attention. Your dad doesn’t know that you ask to play with your friend’s dads, which makes my heart sad.
HJ, he doesn’t know what he is missing out on.
He doesn’t know that you have his eyes. You look a lot like him.
He will never know how wonderful you are. He doesn’t deserve you, sweet boy.