Months. This has been in the work for months. I knew little one would be moving to his adoptive home. Every day, I expected the case worker to tell me “this is the week”. But days went by, months went by, with no news. So we waited. We would all talk about how long the process is. This past weekend, I even started going through HJ’s old fall clothes to stock up little one’s dresser for cooler weather. Sunday, I spent time reorganizing his dresser and packing up too small clothes. I had determined we must still have through Halloween, maybe even HJ’s birthday.
And then the text came Monday morning. “They are approved. He can move this week!”
My response was “My heart just broke and got happy all at once”
It seemed to take forever…and then suddenly it is so fast.
I can not think of another situation in which someone would feel so happy and sad all at once. My friend happened to share the perfect blog post she came across. Jamie wrote this for Foster the Family.
“It feels like everything all at once. Like laughter and tears, like hope and loss, like joy and sorrow.”
Part of me is grieving, while part of me is so happy for his future. There are moments where I am overcome with tears, followed by comfort that I know he is in the perfect place.
Last night, we had a party. We had cake and celebrated the start of his new journey. I let him eat cake with his hands and make a mess. I let him stay up a little late and snuggle. We played and wrestled.
And when bedtime came, I sang him his song. The one I sang to him every night since he has been with us. Goodnight My Angel by Billy Joel. Tears rolled down my face as I sang “I promised I would never leave you, then you should always know, wherever you may go, no matter where you are, I never will be far away”. This little boy has forever claimed a piece of my heart.