Way back in 2001, I wrote this post.  It was about how hard Father’s Day was, and I felt my son was missing something in his life.  Then last year, I wrote the post that brought some of you to tears, with HJ asking why he doesn’t have a daddy.

I was not looking forward to Father’s Day or even Mother’s Day this year.  In the past, they have both been reminders of what is lacking in our family.

On Mother’s Day, I have never woke up to a breakfast, or being spoiled throughout the day.  HJ isn’t old enough to attempt something special, so it is just like any other day in our house.

Father’s Day brought on its own sort of dread.  I worry about HJ, and how he thinks.  I wonder when the questions will come, and how he will accept my answers.  The last few years left me thinking how different our lives could be, or rather how I thought they should be.

No one wants to think they can’t give their child the world.  But I felt that somehow, his world would be shattered if he knew about his father.  And this is why Father’s Day has been difficult in the past.

The past two years have brought a few questions around Father’s Day.  From HJ, or his friends asking why he doesn’t have a dad.  I have been lucky that the explanation of, “all families are different” has been good enough.

And now, I sense of relief has come over me.  This year, I wasn’t angry or bitter on Father’s Day.  I didn’t think how it wasn’t fair that HJ doesn’t have a dad.  Instead, I thought of how lucky we are his father chose to leave.  How much more difficult our lives would have been trying to balance a father who would come and go.  And I felt relief.

For once, I wasn’t wishing things had played out different.  I was thinking about how lucky I am.  I am lucky that HJ has positive male role models in his life, even if they aren’t his father.  How lucky I am to have grown up with such amazing men in my life to realize I don’t need to settle.  And how lucky HJ and I are to have each other.

For the first time in years, I had a Happy Father’s Day.

 

2 Thoughts on “The Year Father’s Day Became Better

  1. I’m glad you have been able to find a good place with everything and acceptance. I think it is harder when dealing with someone who comes and goes…I almost sometimes wish Em’s dad would completely walk away. Because this in between thing is almost worse. Happy Fathers day to an amazing mother who plays both roles! <3

  2. It’s a great way to look at it Kristin. I remember the first few years being quite difficult, I did the same thing to myself…the three things I have found have worked for us….(1).honesty…I’ve always told her the absolute truth about why her father left, but of course I kept it to her age level, as she gets older I explain a little more, but honestly, she hasn’t asked in years, she tells everyone her dad left because he didn’t love her mum.

    (2). I don’t bad mouth her father, not ever, she has the right to have whatever feelings she has about him, and she doesn’t need me to influence that.

    (3).No guilt or blame allowed in our home. Over the years I’ve tried to teach her that there’s no point dwelling on what isn’t, and I’ve showed her how loved she is by the family that she does have.

    It’s absolutely not easy, and I don’t for a second pretend that she hasn’t missed out on something precious, she has, I see it with my brother and his daughter, I acknowledge it with a comment like “that’s too bad for him that he made a bad choice” and then we move onto another subject. You’re doing an awesome job though Kristin, have you thought about having your son make your dad a fathers day gift? I told her once that I’d share my dad with her, and ever since then she made dad father’s day gifts etc, at his funeral she got up and spoke and told everyone that pop was a dad to her.

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