When 2014 kicked off, I told myself I wasn’t dating anymore.  I want to be able to focus on myself this year.  So far, I have done well at that.  I have lost weight, became healthier, figured out a way to manage our daily life.  And guess what?  No man needed.

Since having a child, I have dated a few people.  There was B, when HJ was under a year.  He was dull, which was perfect for me at that moment.  He never wanted to do anything, and I never wanted to leave the house.  He only met HJ twice, I didn’t want them to have a bond, so I waited a long time.

From that, I learned I shouldn’t try to hide what my life is really like.  HJ is my life, and I should have introduced him to that sooner.  He also had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship.  Like JUST.  She still hadn’t moved all of her (or her son’s) stuff out of their house.  Eeks.

After that, I went on dates here and there, but nothing serious until fall of 2012.  Then, I dated A.  After a few months, he started to push away his relationship with HJ.  It ended up being really hard to balance this relationship. A only wanted to be with me if HJ was not.  HJ got upset whenever he came around, because he knew that meant I was leaving.  Also, this guy was a jerk.  I should have walked out on him months before I did.  But I was confused by him being nice when sober and awful when drinking.  From this, I know I have learned that I can’t expect a guy just to bond instantly with HJ.  Any relationship is work, I will just have to find someone who is ok with working on it.

It took a handful of months before I decided to give the dating thing another go, and I met this guy.  So, yeah.

In December, I went on a date with a guy and was SO bored.  It was awful.  All I wanted to do was get home.  And that’s when it hit me.

I’m done.

Dating is just not worth it.  I feel like it is such a hassle.  I get nervous, get all dolled up, find someone to watch HJ and then sit there and think, “I’m wasting a night out on this?!?!”.

No thank you.

I don’t have nights away from my son often, but when I do, I want it to be fun.  You know who I have fun with?  My friends!  You know who I don’t have fun with?  Random, boring men.

2 Thoughts on “I’m Not Dating

  1. I fully support you doing what’s right for you (and HJ!). My only caution here is to not close your mind to the idea of dating…because you never know who might come along. 😉

    And that whole “finding someone who bonds with your kid” is tough. Because you’re absolutely right — it doesn’t just happen automatically. It takes time and effort. Been there, done that, questioned it endlessly. It took a long time for my man to bond with my girls, but they did. Same with me and his kids. :-)

    But taking time some for you, now, to go out with friends and have fun without worrying about dating? Sounds good! Enjoy yourself!

  2. I’m right there with you, Kristin. I know many single moms who didn’t date during the child-rearing years, my mom included…she was single for about 25 years total before she struck up a connection with an old high school acquaintance. They met again in their 60s and have been together for about 7 years, happily. Other friends from work, and even my best friend who is only a couple of years older than me had many single years before finding someone. I, too, have dated a few men since being divorced from Maycee’s dad. The first one was the worst nightmare of my life and one of the biggest reasons I started blogging…to heal. The last 2, which have been over the span of 5 years, had fun moments but ended up in disappointment because of exactly what you mentioned: no desire to adopt me AND my daughter as a family. Me alone doesn’t work! Raising our kids on our own takes up about 90% of the day. I had to get real about what I actually have to offer in the way of dating, and unless I meet that Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right Now who wishes to be part of the family, that time is so limited that it isn’t worth the stress. Enjoying special moments with our kids, family, friends (and for me, horses) is predictably fun….and that is enough! :) XOXO-Kasey

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