My “biggest” resolution of the year was to get
hot, er, healthy. My weight has fluctuated a lot in the last few years.
You know those moms that pop out a baby, and within weeks it looks like there is no way they just gave birth? I was totally that mom. Ugh, I know. Not only did I lose all the baby weight within a few weeks, I then lost an additional 6 pounds with breastfeeding.
My first casual day at work, I learned all my jeans were way too big. I am sure I was just devastated. Or I danced around the room.
Shortly after going back to work, we discovered HJ had a dairy allergy. This meant cutting out all casein and whey products in my diet and going dairy free. You know what this meant? I lost an additional 11 pounds.
Right, so about 4 months after giving birth, I weighed 17 pounds LESS than my pre-pregnancy weight and had huge boobs.
Current me hates that skinny bitch.
I weighed less than I did in high school. And was barely working out. It was a dream. But like all dreams, it came to an end. Eventually my love of cheese won over and HJ grew up and stop breast-feeding. I figured the weight would come right back on, but it came back on slowly. And steadily. And then more quickly.
My size 00 jeans (seriously, I hate that skinny bitch) were packed away and my pre-pregnancy 2 jeans fit perfect. Granted, I no longer had a mini-bikini body, but I still looked pretty damn good.
And then those jeans got packed away.
And one day, I thought I should try some of those pre-prego jeans on, and they got stuck at my knees. And I realize, I let myself go. I actually weigh myself and look at the BMI chart at the gym.
For the first time in my life I am considered overweight.
That sentence was really hard to type. Out there for everyone to see.
I knew it by looking at myself, but figured it couldn’t happen to me, right? I still work out. I know what I should be doing to stay in the “normal” range, but somehow, my body crept past it.
So, I mere 3 years ago, I was 17 pounds UNDER my pre-pregnancy weight. Today, I am 20 pounds OVER my pre-pregnancy weight. That is a fluctuation of 37 pounds in 3 years. Are you freaking kidding me?
I have been wanting to do something about it for the past year, but I was embarrassed. Too proud to admit I let myself go like this. So here it all is, for you to all see.
Since April, I gained 10 pounds. That is ridiculous. I am over weight.
When I tell friends this, they say there is no way. I guess that makes me feel a bit better, maybe I am hiding it well, but then there is proof…
I use to think I was cute. Now, I hate looking in the mirror. Trying on clothes is a disaster, and I feel like nothing fit rights. I miss trying on clothes and having everything look nice, because I was in shape. I miss having confidence and not cringing when I see photos or catch a glimpse in a mirror.
I am not saying I want to be back to my super skinny 00 days, I have set my goal weight reasonable. My goal weight is 3 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight (and pre-baby me could eat Mexican every night and not gain a pound).
When January started, I weighed 20 pounds more than my pre-pregnancy body. To put this in perspective, I gained 23 pounds while pregnant. Basically, I weigh the same as 9 pound pregnant me. That is disgusting. I feel disgusting.
I am finally being serious about losing weight, and am doing more than just working out. I have been tracking my calories for a week, and have been able to stay under 1,200 every day. I kicked off 2014 with the Advocare 10-Day cleanse, and am committed to being healthier this year.
My goal is to lose 17 pounds this year. So far, I am down 3 and a half pounds.
The last few times I tried to lose weight and get back in shape, I feel like I kept it to myself. This time, I shared it. It is helping me to hold myself accountable. Whenever I have wanted to skip counting a few calories or shirt myself on a workout, I remind myself that I am really only cheating myself. No one else really cares if I lose a few pounds, but I do. Here’s to being healthy this year!