Dear Teacher,

I know that preschool is about to start and you are extremely busy, but I need to share a few things with you.  My son, HJ is extremely special.  I know, I know, you hear that about every kid.  But my kid is different.  You see, this kid, my sweet HJ, is my everything.  I can’t describe how much joy he has brought to my life.  Every day, I thank God that I was chosen to be his mother.

I am incredibly nervous to send him to school.  I am an over-paranoid and anxious mom.  I fear he won’t get any attention, I fear he will get lost in the chaos.  I worry he will be a push-over and won’t stand up for himself.  I am hoping he will stand up for himself and his friends.  I am scared he will be bullied and at the same time, terrified he will make fun of someone else.

I hope I have taught him right from wrong.  I pray that he remembers his manners.  I want everyone to like him.  I want him to be accepting of everyone.  I want him to try new things, but be wary of danger.  I am worried he will be behind the class.   I am worried he will be shy, but I also am worried he will be wild.

I want you to know that I can never get him to eat breakfast.  This makes me worried he will be hungry, please don’t think I am a bad mom.  I want you to know no matter how many times he says, “me not tired” that always means he is exhausted.  If he wants to lay down, he will tilt his head to the side and start twisting his hair with his finger.  He will never admit he needs to rest.  Ever.

He has an incredible imagination.  One that I hope never fades.  We can be playing dragons one minute, and be a super hero the next.  By the way, his super-hero alter-ego is “Super HJ”.

I am anxious for things involving family.  Our family is small, it’s just HJ and me.  I am worried he will get picked on or questioned as to why he doesn’t have a father.  I have explained that all families are different.  I hope you will too.  This is also why I said he is my everything.  He is literally the only person I have.  Please, take good care of him.

HJ has always mixed up the usage of “me/I” and “am/are/is”.  I haven’t corrected it because I think it’s cute.  I know you will fix it and I am okay with that, just know I didn’t do it yet so I could hold onto a piece of my baby who is growing up to quickly.

Unfortunately, our society is one where parents fear someone coming into their child’s school.  I know you have no control over this and I hate I can’t get this fear out of my head.  I pray my child is always safe.

I want my child to love learning, so I don’t want to push to hard.  At the same time, I want to make sure he is learning all he needs to.  I fear not being able to find an even balance.

HJ loves playing with friends.  He likes to go along with the crowd.  I hope he realizes not to follow the crowd with everything they do.  And, every now and then, to forge his own path.

He loves helping, and will gladly do things he is asked of.  I hope this is not taken advantage of.

I am so worried about being a “helicopter parent”.  I will do my best to stay out-of-the-way.  I hope this doesn’t make me appear distant.  I want to hear every day what he did, what he worked on, what he ate, if he napped, etc., but I will refrain (most of the time).  I worry that I won’t be involved enough.  I will want to volunteer for everything, but I know that is not possible with my work schedule.  I hope this doesn’t make me a bad mom.

When I first moved to town, a mother asked me what my husband did for a living.  When I told her I wasn’t married, she looked me up and down and walked away with a disgusted look on her face.  I am absolutely terrified that the parents will think poorly of me.  I am more worried that if an adult acts that way, how will a child react to my son when being told he doesn’t have a dad?  I don’t want my child to be rejected.  He has had enough of that in his short, little life already.

While I am looking forward to this new chapter in our lives, I am also nervous.  I just want him to love his school, and I want everyone there to love him.  Show him love, teach him kindness and be a good role model for him.  Help him learn to love school.  Please, please take good care of my baby.

-A worried, over-anxious mom


13 Thoughts on “Dear Teacher,

  1. aprilsclblog on August 14, 2013 at 8:14 am said:

    Oh my heart goes out to you! I remember feeling so much of this when my daughter started preschool. With my son it is a little easier because he has been at the daycare that is the preschool since he was an infant but I know kindergarten will feel much the same. My daughter is starting 5th grade and some of those feelings don’t change. But your heart is in the right place and you have self-awareness of what you want to do and what you want for him and that will help guide you. You’ll take the challenges and celebrate the milestones one day at a time. The landscape will change as HJ grows and you’ll just have to tackle things one at a time. There are a lot of wonderful teachers and I’ve come to see that those kids who have an involved parent (doesn’t matter if its 1 or 2!!!) who listens to what they did and communicates with the teacher are the ones who excel. Most of the preschool teachers give a daily sheet with a rundown of exactly the things you will want to know – use the car ride home to ask all about his day when he is not distracted – this is one of the times of day when I learn the most about my kids. HJ will learn to deal with people who treat him wrong and that will break your heart but you will help him learn to cross those off the list and learn how to tell who is a good friend. Schools are still behind the times when it comes to being working/single parent friendly – but that doesn’t mean all parents or teachers are that way. Kids come from many different backgrounds and people judge each other harshly – but you’ll find just as many who understand and try to help. If the teacher or school does something you think it great – send them a note or an email – they don’t hear that a lot and it will help you make inroads so when you do have an issue you will be taken more seriously. Get to know other parents and kids in the class if you can – I’ve gotten to know some wonderful children. Some of my kids’ friends come from tough situations and may have rough edges but are so sweet to me because I treat them with respect and warmth. Several of my kids’ friends call me mom and run up and give me a hug when they see me or give me a group hug goodbye when my kids do or are so excited to show me their projects at the end of the day and I love it – they will expand your family. I have had some of these same kids clue me in to tough situations my daughter was dealing with that she was reluctant to tell me about or thought she had to deal with herself. Love, working through things together, and resilience – the rest will fall into place. 🙂

    • on August 14, 2013 at 3:43 pm said:

      Great advice!!! I love the idea of talking to them about the day on the car ride home, that way it is still fresh in their heads. I am going to try to not be to much of a helicopter mom at preschool, but i know it will be hard!

  2. I am so sorry that other parents would treat you that way. He will be okay. You have done everything you can to prepare him and now he needs to grow a little bit on his own. But he will always come back home to you. =)

    • on August 14, 2013 at 3:45 pm said:

      I wonder if parents realize that they can be bullies too? Just because I’m an adult doesn’t make it hurt less!

  3. You are such as sweet mom! I hope that he has a smooth transition and I am sure he will make tons of friends!

  4. Oh mama! You, HJ and teacher will be great! 🙂

  5. I know exactly where you are coming from. It is ok to feel this way. We all do but some just don’t admit it. It is a mother’s love. Just know you have done a wonderful job and still are. HJ will recognize this and love you even more for it. Hold your head high when these people judge you like this woman did and remember you are better and stronger and have no reason for shame. Everything is in God’s plan and if it is in his plan HJ will have a father one day and if not or until then just know you are the best of them both and can handle anything. Hang in there sweetie! You’ve got this!!

    • on August 14, 2013 at 3:46 pm said:

      I just want everyone to love my baby like I do, ya know? Hopefully they will all fall in love with him! He can be hard to resist.

  6. You and your son will both do great! My son is 3.5 years old, and was in the same daycare since he was 6 months old. I recently switched to a different daycare/preschool and he adjusted fine (he is very shy so I was very worried about how he would handle the change).

    Try not to stress about how other kids react to your son’s father not being in the picture, my husband hasn’t been in the picture since our son was 1 and a half (he developed a form of dementia that affects the frontal lobes of his brain, so he lost all cognitive ability, cannot speak, and needs 1:1 assistance for all aspects of daily living, so he is living in a nursing home), but none of the other kids have ever treated my son differently because he doesn’t have a dad (in the traditional sense). I think kids are starting to understand there are different types if families, and its not as much of an issue as it might have been in the past! From reading through your blog, you seem like an awesome mom and your son seems like a really loving little boy, you both will do fine! 🙂

  7. That is so sad about that mother who obviously has such big issues with herself that she can’t just accept and love someone in a different situation. That’s on her, not on you.

    You sound like such a fantastic mother, and this letter is perfect.

  8. This is a really sweet post! I don’t have any children yet so it’s hard to fully relate, but I know that I already have some of the same concerns about my future children!

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