If I had been honest with you, I would have told you months ago that my bf was a bad drunk.  But I didn’t.  I didn’t because yes, he was mean when he was drunk…but it was only when he was drunk.  I kept thinking, “well, if I was mean when I was drunk, that would only be a handful of times a year.  At most.”

But for him it wasn’t.It was a few times a week.

If I had been honest, I  would have told you about the night we were dancing at a bar.  He suddenly looked at me and yelled, “Maybe I don’t want to date a mom.”

If I had been honest, I  would have told you about the night we had plans with my friends.  My friends don’t go out much, so I was excited for him to get to know them better.  I knew he had gone out the night before, so I tried calling him that afternoon and got no answer.  When I brought HJ to my parents I stopped by his place and woke him up.  I told him I would be right back and to get ready.  When I came back, he was passed out.  He had been drinking until 11 that morning.  I went alone to meet my friends.  I told my friends I was done.  That his drinking ruined our relationship.

He ended up meeting us out that night.  He finally woke up.  He knew I was pissed, and rightfully so.  But when he met us out, apparently one of the guys that had been sitting with us gave him a dirty look when he walked in.  He accused me of flirting with him.

There was another night where he accused me of breaking up a marriage.  I have never even met the people he was referring to.

If I had been honest, I would have told you about how he had accused me of being materialistic, which anyone who knows him and myself would laugh thinking I was the one being accused of this.

The moment where I finally had it was 2 weeks ago.  We had been having dinner at a nice restaurant.  He told me I was vain (which, the way he described it proved he didn’t know what the word meant).  He went on and on yelling things about me, my friends, even his friends.  I broke down into tears.  Hurt that he would even think those things about me.

The next day, I told my friend I needed to break up with him.  But I didn’t.  I was hoping he would realize what alcohol did to him.

Two weeks later, it was still weighing on me.  I talked to my friend about it.  She told me how I deserve better, how there is someone who will treat me right.  She told me he was being verbally abusive and not to put up with it.  She said it doesn’t matter if it only happens when he is drunk, but the fact is it keeps getting worse.  And if it is this bad at 6 months, imagine what it would be like a year from now?  What if HJ ever heard him act like that?  What she said really hit home.  She was right.

And HJ.  Poor little guy thought the bf was great fun.  But the bf hardly wanted anything to do with him.  I always felt he saw him as an inconvenience.  This broke my heart.

Last week, I knew we had to talk.  I also knew that bringing this up would mean we could easily be over, so I kept putting it off.  Then he came over one night and said it wasn’t working for him.  He didn’t want a family.  He couldn’t be with someone who was so tied down.  I told him what my thoughts had been the past few weeks.He felt bad about how he had treated me, and we ultimately broke up.

I would be lying if I said it was easy.  Yes, it needed to be done.  And yes, I am better off without him.  But that doesn’t make the heartbreak any less.  He is the person I talked to throughout the day, and now my phone hardly rings.  It’s lonely.  And like I said, when he wasn’t drunk, it was great.  That’s the person I miss.

 

9 Thoughts on “If I Had Been Honest…

  1. It never is easy. Sad for you, but more happy for you because people like that will bring you down hard.

  2. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I’m really glad you aren’t with him any more though. It sounds like he was not deserving of you or HJ. Big hugs!

  3. This post made me sad…it was like a slap in my face…This is what I am working so hard for…WOMEN MUST STICK TOGETHER…WOMEN MUST LOVE THEMSELVES FIRST….
    You cannot possibly love yourself if you even miss this…and no I am not a mean person….I broke up with a guy like this after one year….I have yet to date anyone….and I don’t want to date anyone until I am whole, healed and happy…
    I too brought the guy into my child’s life. BAD AND STUPID MOVE…We single moms should NEVER bring anyone in before a year of serious dating…Let’s not show our kids that this nonsense is okay. We then raise kids to mimic our behavior….
    I am lonely too…but I know I deserve the best of the best because that is what I am. I moved to a beach community and Friday night I was walking my dog at the beach and suddenly the sun started to set in all it’s pink and purple glory and I was in awe….even though I have seen it many times. As I began to walk to my car I noticed several couples hugging and kissing as the sun set….I left with my dog feeling blue…
    I then put my music on and drove home….Did I want to be one of those couples? Dam right…but the next time someone gets to wrap their arms around me like that it will be real and it will be special….and I am worth the wait….
    Who wants some drunk guy belittling you or not treating you like a princess….do you really want your young child around that type of guy?
    Believe me when I tell you it is far better being alone than being with just anyone…show your child that you are an amazing and loving mom, a strong woman and try to love yourself….no one but you can make you happy and you will only attract a person by the way you feel about yourself!
    You deserve the best…..never ever settle!!!!
    Best wishes!

  4. So sorry to hear this. You know you made the right choice though.

  5. It must be break up season. I’m so sorry to hear this- everything happens for a reason & you never know what will happen. Be thankful you have an amazing little boy, especially during times like this. I’m always good for a vent if you need to!

  6. I’m proud of you. My stepdad was an alcoholic and you really made the right decision…especially for HJ. I’m sorry too. I know how hot and cold, warm and distant they can be. You’ll find someone who values you and HJ. You deserve it :-)

  7. I am so sorry you are going through this but please be very proud of yourself for making a decision. People don’t realize how hard it is to make the decision to do something against what their heart desires. Hang in there…P.S. I love the name of your blog! My favorite dessert is the Factory Mud Pie at Cheesecake Factory (just had to tell you lol)

  8. aprilsclblog on August 6, 2013 at 12:51 pm said:

    Being honest with yourself about how people are treating you and loving yourself enough to not settle for less are two of the hardest things in life. But I think you already know that you and HJ are better off together than with a man who doesn’t deserve either of you. I’m proud of you for seeking out the advice of a true friend who isn’t afraid to tell you that you are being mistreated and loves you enough to say that you are settling – what a great friend you have! And I’m proud of you for coming to the decision to do what is best for you both even though that sometimes seems harder than putting up with “less”. You are also setting a good example for HJ – you won’t want him to settle for less with girls that he dates when he’s older because you know he deserves better – and so do you! Big hugs to you – you are not alone!

  9. Pingback: I’m Not Dating | A Slice of Mudpie

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