If I had been honest with you, I would have told you months ago that my bf was a bad drunk. But I didn’t. I didn’t because yes, he was mean when he was drunk…but it was only when he was drunk. I kept thinking, “well, if I was mean when I was drunk, that would only be a handful of times a year. At most.”
But for him it wasn’t.It was a few times a week.
If I had been honest, I would have told you about the night we were dancing at a bar. He suddenly looked at me and yelled, “Maybe I don’t want to date a mom.”
If I had been honest, I would have told you about the night we had plans with my friends. My friends don’t go out much, so I was excited for him to get to know them better. I knew he had gone out the night before, so I tried calling him that afternoon and got no answer. When I brought HJ to my parents I stopped by his place and woke him up. I told him I would be right back and to get ready. When I came back, he was passed out. He had been drinking until 11 that morning. I went alone to meet my friends. I told my friends I was done. That his drinking ruined our relationship.
He ended up meeting us out that night. He finally woke up. He knew I was pissed, and rightfully so. But when he met us out, apparently one of the guys that had been sitting with us gave him a dirty look when he walked in. He accused me of flirting with him.
There was another night where he accused me of breaking up a marriage. I have never even met the people he was referring to.
If I had been honest, I would have told you about how he had accused me of being materialistic, which anyone who knows him and myself would laugh thinking I was the one being accused of this.
The moment where I finally had it was 2 weeks ago. We had been having dinner at a nice restaurant. He told me I was vain (which, the way he described it proved he didn’t know what the word meant). He went on and on yelling things about me, my friends, even his friends. I broke down into tears. Hurt that he would even think those things about me.
The next day, I told my friend I needed to break up with him. But I didn’t. I was hoping he would realize what alcohol did to him.
Two weeks later, it was still weighing on me. I talked to my friend about it. She told me how I deserve better, how there is someone who will treat me right. She told me he was being verbally abusive and not to put up with it. She said it doesn’t matter if it only happens when he is drunk, but the fact is it keeps getting worse. And if it is this bad at 6 months, imagine what it would be like a year from now? What if HJ ever heard him act like that? What she said really hit home. She was right.
And HJ. Poor little guy thought the bf was great fun. But the bf hardly wanted anything to do with him. I always felt he saw him as an inconvenience. This broke my heart.
Last week, I knew we had to talk. I also knew that bringing this up would mean we could easily be over, so I kept putting it off. Then he came over one night and said it wasn’t working for him. He didn’t want a family. He couldn’t be with someone who was so tied down. I told him what my thoughts had been the past few weeks.He felt bad about how he had treated me, and we ultimately broke up.
I would be lying if I said it was easy. Yes, it needed to be done. And yes, I am better off without him. But that doesn’t make the heartbreak any less. He is the person I talked to throughout the day, and now my phone hardly rings. It’s lonely. And like I said, when he wasn’t drunk, it was great. That’s the person I miss.