“You know you’re a good mom, right?”

My friend asked me this while have a heart to heart over the phone.  I feel as if this conversation would have had more of a resolve over a glass of wine sitting on couches.

My eyes welled up with tears.

It’s not that I don’t think I am a good mom.  I worry that I am not enough.

I worry that HJ needs more than just me.

What if I am not enough to give him all he needs?  All that he deserves?  What if I can’t do this alone?

Most of the time, I love being a mom, but there are times, when I haven’t had a break in months, and I crack.  When I feel like I am not enough.  When I need a break, but there is no one to give me one.

I don’t get nights off.  When I finally do (I have had four so far this year…4 nights off in 11 months), I feel guilty.  I feel like I am being a bad parent.  And then I don’t enjoy it. I worry the whole time about what he is doing.  About what I am missing.  And everything I should be doing instead.  What needs to be done the next day, and how I shouldn’t stay up late.  I can’t live in the moment.

And then I think, I am not enough.  He deserves more.

So I don’t do something on my own for months and months at a time.

I know I should take me time.  And I might be more likely to if I knew people who were doing stuff.  But all of my friends are married, so they go on date nights when they get a night off.  I don’t have people to call to say that I need a night off.  And I don’t ask, because then I feel guilty.

I feel like I am talking in circles…

But, what if I can’t do it alone?  What if I am not enough?

18 Thoughts on “Being Enough.

  1. So I am immediately sending you glitter, love, encouraging sparks of magic and happiness through my thoughts to you. But I need to send you something in the mail again. Email me your address again!
    You are more than enough! You are SUPERMOM!!!!! :)

  2. Story of my life too, girl! but! are are enough. Just remember that. And it’s ok to take a night off! Too bad you didn’t live in Des Moines. I know I’ve never met you but I bet we’d have a fun night out with some girls :)

  3. You are enough :) when you need a night off, I’ll go! HJ has everything he needs in you!!

  4. You are enough! That’s why you have a kind son. You deserve, and need, a night off now and then. Everybody does. That is how we recharge. Hang in there!

  5. Melissa Pritchard on November 15, 2012 at 7:03 pm said:

    Duh, KC, you’re totally enough and a kick ass mom! You’d be a better mommy if you did take time for yourself. I understand the conflict inside yourself when you are away. I have it too but only when MJ’s at daycare (its good for him to spend time with g-ma). How can you be everything for him when you’re not happy yourself?

  6. Once again, I read your post and can so relate. I have often felt the guilt of am I enough for my son. For the first three years of his life, I basically did nothing, if I did leave him I felt guilty as hell and called to check on him and wouldn’t be gone for very long. I have just recently started taking a little more “me” time which in all honesty as a mama and especially a single mama I think we need to allow ourselves that. Do I still feel guilty, yes…but I am working on trying not to feel as guilty. It also helps that if he’s not with me my parents or sister are more than happy to watch him so I know he’s in good hands!! Don’t be so hard on yourself…I can tell by your post and pictures that you are a great mama and HJ is very lucky!!!

    • What is the best way you recharge? Is it a night on the town or just alone time? I haven’t figured it out yet!

      • For me it just depends but normally it is either going out for drinks or meeting friends for supper and chit chat. I also just started selling Thirty One, so that is usually my little break when I go do parties.

  7. I read this earlier and it’s been kind of bothering me since. You are an AMAZING mom and HJ is so lucky to have you in his life. It’s easy to feel guilty taking time to do things for you but in the end you will both be better- you need time to yourself even if it is just an hour here or there. Feel free to let me know if you ever need a night off! :)

  8. Piippis on November 19, 2012 at 4:50 am said:

    New reader here, hi!

    You are more than enough!

    But please, take some time off, just you time. You need it! Look it in a way that you are giving your son some special time with other people :)

  9. Pingback: You Like it When I Cry « singlemamalife

  10. Unconditional love and support – if you’re giving that to your child, it’s plenty. No mother can give her child everything, she can only hope to offer him the best of herself, and it seems that you’re doing just that.
    Find someone you trust, who will take good care of your child when you go out, so you can be calm when you’re out and not worry about him, It’s so important to have time for yourself. Go to the gym, take a walk, shop, read a book at the park, it doesn’t have to be late night outings as long as you have your alone time to clear your mind. You need it and you deserve it!

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