HJ’s dad and I rarely communicate.  I know the type of person he is and chose to keep our conversations minimal if we have to talk.  There isn’t much that he can do that surprises or shocks me enough to warrant a phone call or send a text message.  I just don’t care anymore.

So this past weekend, when I found out some news about him, it wasn’t the “news” that bothered me.  He is having another baby.  His gf and him have 1 daughter, that is 5 months younger than HJ, and now will have another daughter sometime this month.  I actually was relived it is a girl.  He deserves a house full of girls.  Hopefully, trampy girls (yup, I went there).  I actually laughed at this a little.  Yes, a house full of girls.  I hope he never knows the amazing-ness of a son.  He missed that chance.  He gave it up willingly.

My thoughts went to, “wow, I feel bad for his gf.  She has put up with a lot.  Dating him on and off for years, now living with him for 3 straight years, with 2 kids and no ring?  what is she thinking?”

And I thought about it some more…you know what she is thinking?  If they get married, she stops getting alimony from her ex-husband.  And then I realized she is just as class-less as him.

Then I got to thinking about WAYYY back in May when Nate told me he was going to file for a child support modification.  I kept thinking he was being lazy and just not filling it out.  But you know what he is actually thinking?  He is probably thinking that you can only request a modification every 2 years.  So he is waiting for kid #3 to be born so he can pay me even less money.  With him currently being on unemployment and having numerous kids, he could owe me less then $10/month.

Told you they were class acts.

Does it bother me that he is father to other children and actually accepts them? Sure, how could it not.

But none of these things really “got” to me…I am use to those faults.   There was nothing that was keeping me from falling asleep.  Like I said, nothing surprises me.

UNTIL THIS…

I was shopping online at Babies R Us for a friend’s shower gift.  In stalker like fashion, I thought, “huh, I wonder if they have a registry?”.  Thinking there wouldn’t be…because who the hell has registries for 2nd babies?  Correction, 3rd!

But they do.

I skimmed through it, not caring until I saw this.  They had registered for and received many numerous expensive gifts.  These people, who have not been able to afford a dime in child support since April can afford to get a $500 crib?  And a dresser?  When they should already have things like a crib from having a previous baby?  He can buy things like this but can’t afford $100 in back owed child support?  WHAT. THE. FUCK.

How is this okay?  How can people get away with this? AND WHY THE FUCK IS IT BOTHERING ME SO MUCH THAT THEY GOT A NEW CRIB?

There had to be something to make me break down.

But how messed up is our system that someone who the child support office can not track down is so easily found via Babies R US?  I mean come on, they even list their address on there in case you want to send them a frikken gift!

Seriously.

16 Thoughts on “The straw that broke this single mama’s back.

  1. Oh my goodness I can TOTALLY understand why this rubs you the wrong way and hurts. On just so many levels. It infuriates me when people register for their 2nd/3rd babies. It just seems so freakin’ GREEDY. We all know you already have everything (unless they are many years apart).

    He has all the nerve. How is it fair that HJ could be cheated out of that child support the more children this man has with someone else? HJ still needs to eat, have clothes, etc…that’s just not right that his support would be reduced if he has more children with someone else.

    Sounds like those two deadbeats just live off her alimony? Really classy, eh? I guess HJ is better off without this sorry excuse for a man in his life, but I understand why it stings. HJ is lucky to have such a strong mama.

  2. Pardon my french but what a jerk off! Seriously! This makes me sick to my stomach…but you know what? It just shows what a totally awesome woman (not just mom but woman all around) that you are. You are tough. I struggle with co-parenting Baby Belle with Kevin AND my sister. You are basically a bad ass! Much love to you girl! :) Sending glitter and happiness your way

  3. Sherri on October 10, 2012 at 9:20 am said:

    Please get up every morning and thank God that you got away from this loser. You seem like a very put together person and you were way too good for him anyway. I’m sure it won’t belong before she is chasing him for child support. Keep doing what you are doing with that amazing son of yours and you will be just fine.

    • I am thankful he is out of our lives, and as much as a wish HJ did have a father, it’s not his actual father I want in his life. I know we are better without him, but it still hurts.

  4. Oooo, yea all those things are sucky. I’m right there with ya, girl. Had a baby with a total loser who isn’t there. But hey, if ya really think about it my life and my daughter’s life are soooo much better with him not in the picture. Sure, I get no help from him but who cares?!?! The extra casah would be nice. But I can totally do it on my own (with the occasional help from my amazing boyfriend)! No financial ties are easier to get their rights taken away for good. Keep your head up!

  5. Seriously. It is messed up! And this, along with my nephew’s father, is a prime example of “dad’s” who make a bad name for the what seems like very few who actually WANT to be in their children’s lives. I currently have somewhat of a dead beat mom- friend, believe it or not. Anyways, since Babies R Us has their address on the registry, I think it only seems fit to send him a pile of shit. Literally. :)

    At least HJ has an amazing mom who has and always will be there for him. He’ll always remember that!

    • singlemamalife on October 11, 2012 at 8:12 am said:

      I hope your friend sees what she is missing out on and decides to become an active parent. I can not imagine acting as though HJ didn’t exist.

  6. oh man honey I’m sorry you are going through this! But like previous comments said…sure is a damn good thing you got away from that deadbeat and don’t have to deal with his bullshit. I know it hurts and truly fucking sucks sometimes but everything will be okay in the end you are an amazingly strong woman! Hang in there. Our system never ceases to amaze me sometimes. My ex can work under the table and somehow get away with it. Douchebags

    • singlemamalife on October 11, 2012 at 8:13 am said:

      The working under that table thing ticks me off! HJ’s dad couldn’t get unemployment because of the sale of his company…he had made too much money. Yet we got nothing because it wasn’t a paycheck. Dumb.

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  10. So sorry you are going through all this drama….it’s so not what being a mamma should be like, but sadly for way too many women it is. The laws here in Australia are different, and thankfully I was given a special exemption from having to claim support from HIM. So I’ve always known right from that moment it was all up to me. Strangely enough, that is liberating. The $10 a month that I would probably end up with isn’t worth all the drama to me.

    You are stronger than you think you are and you certainly do not need this mans money or stress.

    Chin up Hun xx

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