I am deathly afraid of spiders. And snakes. And creepy clowns. And bats.
Any encounter with one of those 4 will give me nightmares. In fact, I am probably going to have one tonight just for talking about them.
Yesterday, this happened…
That thing went strolling into the garage while HJ and I were getting ready to have a water gun fight. I flipped out. I handled it horribly. HJ learned a few new words. And I was ridiculous throughout the whole 15 minute fiasco. Yes, it took me 15 minutes to kill a spider.
But look at the size of that thing! I had on flip-flops, so I couldn’t just step on it.
You might notice the ground is all wet around the spider.
Well, like I said, HJ and I were going to play with water guns, so I happened to have a bucket of water in my hand when I saw the monster creep towards the garage.
I yelled “HOLY MOTHER EFFER!” (yes, I said effer and not the “f word”..thank goodness) and threw the bucket of water on it. Then, it started walking towards me. This is when I took the picture so whoever found my remains would know what killed me.
I jumped and shreaked. I told HJ to step on it. He said, “ew, no!”
My sister had just given him a speech about how all bugs are God’s creatures, blah blah blah. Thanks, J.
I was still not ready to stomp on it with my flip flop…they didn’t seem big enough. So I told HJ to keep his eye on it while I ran into the garage to grab the bug killer.
I am not proud of what happened next. But this spider was out for me. And I am almost certain it was poisonous.
I sprayed the hell out of it with bug killer.
Then HJ and I took our water guns and sprayed him some more.
Then I watched it for a few minutes to make sure it wouldn’t move.
It had one leg in the air. Like it was waving the white flag. But I still didn’t trust the SOB.
I poked at it with a stick.
I was finally convinced of its death. And HJ told me good job while offering a high 5.
About an hour later, my dad stopped by and asked why there was water all over the garage. I showed him the dead spider. He gave me an odd look. For the next hour, I kept bringing up the “scary spider in the garage”. Finally, my dad went out and removed the dead spider from the garage.
I am 30, and my dad is still picking up dead spiders for me.