For the longest time after I had HJ, I would panic whenever my phone rang.  I would wonder if it was HJ’s dad calling to tell me how I ruined his life.  It was an awful feeling.

The feeling eventually went away.  HJ’s father and I have communicated only once every 5 months or so.  So when my cell phone rings, I don’t worry that it is him.  Then Tuesday rolled around.  I was updating some documents for work, snacking on peanut butter M&M’s, and my cell phone rang.  I glanced at the screen figuring I would ignore it (I was working!) and I panicked.  The name on the screen was Nate.

I took a deep breath and answered, knowing if I didn’t talk to him right away he wouldn’t call back or answer any of my calls.  Here is a little replay of our conversation..

Me: Hello?

Nate: Hey, How’s it going?

My thoughts…Oh are we making small chat here, what the hell?

Me: Er, fine.

Nate: That’s good.

Me: Uh-huh

Nate: So I am confused

My thoughts…no kidding.

Me: About?

Nate: My employer received a letter saying that child support recovery is going to be withholding child support.

My thoughts…big smile, oh my goodness, I might finally be able to get some support!

Nate: Why?

Me:Because you are supposed to pay child support?

Nate: But why is it a set amount?  I can’t afford that, can we change it?

Me: Did you contact the child support office?  I believe it is based on of a percentage of your income.

Nate: No, I thought I would call you first.  Can you call and see if it can be lowered?

My thoughts…HAHAHA.

Me:I think it is a pre-determined amount, plus they are probably factoring in back owed support.

Nate:So should we contact your lawyer again and have him draw something up?

Me: Why don’t we wait and see what is going on first?

Nate: OK.

Me: Sounds good!  Bye!

Nate: See ya.

First of all, he was a company owner when we dated.  Numerous times he would comment on the amount withheld from people’s checks for child support.  He KNOWS how the system works.  Secondly, NO I WILL NOT CALL THE CHILD SUPPORT OFFICE FOR YOU.  I am quite certain he is a capable adult who can handle calling them and figuring it out.  Most people know that amounts CAN be changed, but like I am going to freely give that information.  He can do some work on his own (but he won’t, he is lazy).  Thirdly, contact my lawyer to write a new amount?  MY lawyer?  Who was hired to help ME?  That sounds like a smart idea, get right on that.  And last of all…why does it still crush my heart that he does not even ask about HJ?  He did not bring him up, ask how he is doing, nothing.  When does that stop hurting?  Can someone truly be that heartless?

Hopefully, my phone ringing won’t be setting me into a panic again.  And hopefully HJ might actually start getting child support.

3 Thoughts on “Child Support

  1. good for you! Too bad, so sad he has to pay to support his CHILD. It’s about time you got some help. I wouldn’t lift a finger in that direction. If it’s too much (which likely it’s not he just THINKS it is because he has zero clue how expensive raising a child is) then they will change it. If it’s not, it will stay the same. It’s generally based on a percentage of their income and the amount of time they are with each parent (which obviously you have HJ 100% of the time). What a tool. Wage garnishment is a beautiful thing.

  2. I’m sorry you have to go through this unfortunately I know how crappy it is…your ex sounds alot like mine :/

  3. I hope you will get support for HJ, he deserves it! I wish I could say something to make it stop hurting. It doesn’t. It doesn’t because we know how wonderful our kids are, and wonder how anyone could miss out on that. I don’t know why, but I think if they don’t see that; it is for the best that they aren’t there. What’s more is that I will always keep that door of communication open, and be pleasant {okay pleasant most of the time} because I never want to tell my kids I didn’t try for them. Their Dad will have to answer for his transgressions, or abandonment. The circumstances break my heart, yet a part of me is glad in a way, glad that I get them all to myself, because it would kill me if I had to share. Hope you start seeing some money soon:)

    I’ve caught up on the last few posts, next time you come to IKEA, call me, I live 15 minutes from there. Single parents talking IRL;)

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