Back in my wild hay-day, I applied to a local magazine to be a part of their first ever “Singles Crew”. The “crew” was a group of 4 (two guys, two girsl) who went around to bars in Des Moines and wrote follow-up articles on our nights out (and got paid). I recently came across some of the articles and had to laugh. Here is the one I wrote about a Singles Bar Crawl we participated in…
This past weekend the Singles Crew ventured out to do the Clive Jaycees Singles Bar Crawl. We arrived at Drink around 7pm to check in. Upon check in we were given Conversation Started Cards. We were supposed to hand these out to guys as a sort of ice breaker. Shaunna had my favorite one, it said “tag you’re it”. The only one handed to me throughout the evening said “I like football” with a note on the back that stated “I have been STD free since 6/28/1996”. Note: STD’s are never a good ice breaker.
We basically went driving around Clive/West Des Moines and made stops at the local bars like Paddy’s, Down Under, Bogies, The Garage and Caberet. The group did a great job of making sure we all knew what was going on and I had an awesome time getting to know everyone on my bus. And by getting to know everyone, I mean girls. While I did have a lot of fun, there were definitely many more girls then guys. Although the guys there did have some pretty good pick up lines.
Here are my top favorites…
The ones that did not work:
“Your eyes sparkle”
Are you sure? It’s dark in the bar and you can hardly stand on your own two feet. Perhaps what you see is the red glare from my eyes, since you are blowing your cigarette smoke right in my face.
“You look like you could use a hug”
Apparently saying “no thanks” to this meant “no I do not want a hug, but please grab my ass”. If I would have known those were my only options, I would have opted for the hug. I am also fairly certain that classifies as assault.
“I don’t mean to offend you, but you seem intelligent”
That’s too bad; I was going for the drunken bimbo look tonight.
The ones that did work:
“Hi, how are you?”
Wow, normal…works for me. See guys, you do not need a crazy pick up line to get a girls attention.
“Would you like a drink?”
Of course. Especially after I just got assaulted. Also, when offered a drink, I most definitely will talk to you while consuming that drink…giving you plenty of time to charm me with your wits and come up with something better than “your eyes sparkle”.
“Come here often?”
This line is so cheesy I knew the guy could not be serious and was just looking for an icebreaker. It worked.
Moral of the story, simple is better. Also word of advice, when saying something like “Can I get your number, I would really like to hang out sometime” do not follow it up with “but I have to head over here because that drunk girl has been hanging on me”. Honest? Sure. Classy? Not quite.
As the night began to wind down, a girl in the bathroom stopped me to ask questions about Tyler. However, I did not have too much time to try and talk Tyler up for her because she proceeded to spill my drink all over my pants. While searching for Shaunna (probably to discuss my spilled drink), I came across her talking to a boy who had seemed to keep her fairly occupied the entire evening. Rod also seemed to be chatting it up with a few ladies. As for me, a girl named Kristin offered to share her Carmello…