We had met with the lawyer.  We had signed the custody agreement.  The only thing left was agreeing on a child support amount.

Sounds easy, right?

Well, when one person refuses to be a parent and wants no part of a child’s life, they tend to balk at the idea of supporting them in any way.  This led to an intense phone conversation where I was screamed at.  This was the first time Nate had yelled at me.  He always stayed calm in a way that irritated me.  But not this day.  He told me I was nothing more than a selfish bitch who wanted his money for myself.  I was trying to ruin everything he had built for himself for my own gain.  Right.  I am the selfish one. 

I had no response.  I let him get it all out.

We finally started talking money.  The lawyer had told me what I would get for support if the case went to court, so he reluctantly agreed to that amount.  He went to the lawyers the next morning to sign the paperwork, and I went a few hours later.

I never saw him after the first two meetings at the lawyers.  He has never asked to see his son, not even a picture.  We talk every now and then.  Every time it is me calling him from a random number (he won’t answer my calls) to ask if he is going to pay child support.  He usually follows up with a comment on how I have ruined his life.  He has figured out the State of Iowa won’t do anything as long as he pays SOMETHING each month.  So he usually goes in and makes a $100 or so payment…never the full amount (he owns his own company, so they don’t do income withholding).  And since he does make that small of a  payment, the State stays off of him and refuses to do anything to help me.  I could get a lawyer, but that would cost too much.  And according to the lawyer, would be pointless…a judge would assign him a payment plan where he could basically do the same thing.

I recently found out Nate is moving out of Iowa, which means even the small amount I do get now will likely disappear.  I never understood how frustrating of a process child support was.  I could never figure out why people didn’t get it and how dead beats could get away with things.  But now I get it.  It is disturbing the way a single mom is treated when she calls for help.  It is frustrating that they don’t do more to get the money.  He can talk about selling his boat and motorcycles and spending the cash to take his girlfriend on vacation, but he can’t fulfill his child support.  Sickening.

I wish there was more I could do to address the state, but it seems there are always rules and regulations that make it so that doesn’t happen.  Does anyone else have similar experiences?

10 Thoughts on “Part 6: The Final One (about time, huh?)

  1. Hang in there, sweetheart! I know it’s tough but this guy will eventually get what’s coming to him. You’ve got what really matters and it’s that beautiful little boy! My ex and I share 50/50 and according to the state, he would only have to pay me $12/month in child support. That’s not worth the paper that it’s written on. So, I work as hard as I can to try to figure out a way to make it work without anything from him because that’s what I get from him: nothing. Granted, my expenses are lower when my son is with his dad, but who do you think still buys the “little” things like school supplies or field trips at school? Me.

    We can’t change the men that became our sperm donors. All we can do is try like hell to make sure that our little men aren’t raised thinking that’s the way a real man behaves!

  2. Rona on July 27, 2011 at 2:23 am said:

    Yes. People always tell me to get support for my child like I havent tried especially since I get by very close to the line from month to month, They havent helped me one bit to collect it. Its a waste of time and honestly a waste of mental capabilities because all it does is frustrate me beyond measure.

    I sympathize because i know the truth..

    Been reading you for a good while just dont say much. :)

  3. I am so glad I am not the only one who finds Child Support Recovery beyond frustrating. I am amazed they seem to side with the dads (I use that word because I am unsure what else to call him).

  4. I’m glad I’m not the only one going through all this. I tried to call since no one told me anything about how child support works and this rude lady on the phone who wouldn’t even take my information just interrupted me and goes “Let me explain this to you, ma’am, we are simply a redistribution unit, you must apply for any of our services.” and basically that was it. So I’m still waiting for my ex-dead beat to send in the check when he’s driving around a newish diesel truck compared to my 93 camry. Its going to be awesome when I make it out of college and he can pull up to my and my daughter’s house that I bought with my newer car in front and it all catches up to him.

  5. As a child of divorced parents and a father who didn’t want me, I know my mom is still owed over $20,000 in child support and she gets about $68 per month. She never got anything when we were younger because my dad lied about jobs he had, it is truly ridiculous! I am so happy you are an awesome momma to your little boy, he is lucky to have you :)
    Myranda
    http://www.prettylivingpdx.com

    • sliceofmudpie@gmail.com on July 16, 2013 at 7:53 am said:

      Thank you :) I figure he will be owning for years to come, he is currently around $19,000 behind.

  6. Kristy on August 21, 2013 at 12:23 pm said:

    I just found your site, and I love it so far! I just read all six parts of your story and my heart is breaking for you on one hand, but then on the other, I’m so proud of you and so happy you have such a cute little man in your life who you obviously love so much! My son is one, and I am so ridiculously in love with him that when even a stranger doesn’t wave back to him when he says hi, my heart breaks in two. I can’t imagine how it would feel to have someone say such awful things about the person who is now your heart. I’m so happy things seem to be working out for you, and you’re doing an awesome job! I’m excited to read more!

    • sliceofmudpie@gmail.com on August 21, 2013 at 1:18 pm said:

      Oh, thanks!! A little girl told HJ he was a baby the other day, and the mama bear in me almost came out. It is amazing how wildly protective we are of our little ones :)

  7. I just stumbled across your blog (via Twitter’s “who to follow” sidebar) and just finished reading this story. I just . . . wow. HJ is an incredibly lucky little man to have such a wealth of strength to draw, and learn from. Seriously. Wow. :) Way to maintain your composure, deal with an incredible d-bag and fight like a wolverine to ensure your son is taken care of.

    Great blog! I can’t wait to explore more. :)

    • sliceofmudpie@gmail.com on November 13, 2013 at 9:29 pm said:

      I think this is the first time I have been called a wolverine, love it. Glad you liked what you read, it means a lot to get such complimentary comments!

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