We had met with the lawyer. We had signed the custody agreement. The only thing left was agreeing on a child support amount.
Sounds easy, right?
Well, when one person refuses to be a parent and wants no part of a child’s life, they tend to balk at the idea of supporting them in any way. This led to an intense phone conversation where I was screamed at. This was the first time Nate had yelled at me. He always stayed calm in a way that irritated me. But not this day. He told me I was nothing more than a selfish bitch who wanted his money for myself. I was trying to ruin everything he had built for himself for my own gain. Right. I am the selfish one.
I had no response. I let him get it all out.
We finally started talking money. The lawyer had told me what I would get for support if the case went to court, so he reluctantly agreed to that amount. He went to the lawyers the next morning to sign the paperwork, and I went a few hours later.
I never saw him after the first two meetings at the lawyers. He has never asked to see his son, not even a picture. We talk every now and then. Every time it is me calling him from a random number (he won’t answer my calls) to ask if he is going to pay child support. He usually follows up with a comment on how I have ruined his life. He has figured out the State of Iowa won’t do anything as long as he pays SOMETHING each month. So he usually goes in and makes a $100 or so payment…never the full amount (he owns his own company, so they don’t do income withholding). And since he does make that small of a payment, the State stays off of him and refuses to do anything to help me. I could get a lawyer, but that would cost too much. And according to the lawyer, would be pointless…a judge would assign him a payment plan where he could basically do the same thing.
I recently found out Nate is moving out of Iowa, which means even the small amount I do get now will likely disappear. I never understood how frustrating of a process child support was. I could never figure out why people didn’t get it and how dead beats could get away with things. But now I get it. It is disturbing the way a single mom is treated when she calls for help. It is frustrating that they don’t do more to get the money. He can talk about selling his boat and motorcycles and spending the cash to take his girlfriend on vacation, but he can’t fulfill his child support. Sickening.
I wish there was more I could do to address the state, but it seems there are always rules and regulations that make it so that doesn’t happen. Does anyone else have similar experiences?