I use to have a very exciting dating life. I had fun meeting guys, going out for drinks, hanging out, getting free meals (a girl has to eat, right?). But the dating world becomes a totally different ball game once you have a child. I didn’t even think about dating for months and months after HJ was born.
The first time I hung out with a guy was last August (HJ was 10 months). I had just moved to Cedar Falls and came into contact with an ex from college. Everything seemed awesome. I was in shock how easily dating him came. And although he had asked to meet HJ, I had a strict rule that I did not want them to meet until we were serious (I don’t want men coming in and out of my son’s life). After 4 months of dating, I figured it was time. I had already met his family, he had met some of mine, meeting my son was a logical next step. He hung out with HJ a few times. I could tell he was a bit uncomfortable, but he had not spent much time around babies before. It was like he finally realized what my life was really like. Then suddenly he stopped coming over as much. We would still talk on the phone, but he had “things to do”. It was around the holidays, so I took his word for it and let things slide. Finally, it had become WAY to obvious something else was going on.
He finally admitted that he had always pictured his life to go a certain way. He wanted 2 children. Of his own. And my son would never be his. I gave him the old “Life doesn’t always end up how you planned.” And he shot back with “But mine still can follow my plan.” Right, without me. I took it kind of hard. This was the first guy I had opened up to in a long time. And now, the last 2 relationships I have had ended because of my son. Makes me a little nervous about ever getting into a relationship again.
I know it has to be hard for someone to realize they will never be my #1. That my son will always come first. It’s also hard for me to date “just anyone”, knowing that any guy I bring into my son’s life instantly becomes his father figure.
I also don’t have the same schedule as most single parents who might have every other weekend away from the child to go out and meet people or go on dates. So even getting to the “first date” point is not an easy task.
Any advice on single parent dating?