HJ was about a month old, I couldn’t believe how fast time was flying by. I had not talked to his father since HJ was born. It’s not like I didn’t think about it. He crossed my mind all the time. But I was loving being a mommy and did not want to bring anything negative around me. He had never called, texted or emailed to see how we were. He did not even know “it” was a boy. And he did not care.
My friend Lulu called and said she was stopping over to see us. When she arrived she said it. “I ran into Nate and his girlfriend.”
I gasped. A thousand thoughts quickly went through my head in the second that she paused. Does she know about his child? Did he ask anything? Did he seem to care?
“I don’t know how to say this, but you need to know.”
Are they engaged? What the hell is she talking about?
That was the last thing I expected to hear. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, over and over. I felt sick. I also felt hurt, jealous, heartbroken, confused, upset, irate, angry, hopeful…I can never accurately describe exactly how I felt. But I felt it double for my son.
How could he have stayed with her while she was pregnant but not give me a second thought? I am not saying I wanted him back, WE would have never worked, but I still wanted my son to have a father.
Maybe seeing how much he loves his new baby will make him realize what he is missing.
How could he choose one baby over another?
Did he not realize what he was missing out on?
I turned to the internet to get some answers…there it was…they were registered at Babies R Us..baby girl…with a due date only 5 months past his son’s. Five months.
I emotionally lost it. I became a jealous, vengeful person. I was ugly, but I also felt justified.
I called him. He didn’t answer. I called again. And again. And again. I left a message saying something to the affect of “We need to talk.”
He finally called back and said, “What do you need?”
“DID YOU NOT THINK I WOULD FIND OUT YOUR HOOTER’S WAITRESS GIRLFRIEND IS PREGNANT?”
I don’t remember his response. I am sure it was ridiculous and pointless. I mentioned how he had never even called to see how his child was. How he didn’t even know if it was a boy or girl. I asked him “Don’t you even care to know anything?”
His response was another blow, “Not really.”
The next day I called a lawyer. I met with him and told him the story. I told him how it was important that I have in writing that I have full custody. I was not saying I didn’t want Nate involved, I just didn’t want him to suddenly enter our life’s 3 years later and take 50% custody. It was something I could do to protect my son from his father. We also mentioned child support. I mentioned that I wanted some support since he would be providing for his other child (I felt HJ deserved something), but that custody was my #1 thing. Meaning if Nate put up a fight, I was willing to negotiate on the money. The lawyer couldn’t believe that the dad wanted no part and warned me it could get ugly if a custody battle ensued. I understood. And was concerned. But knew it needed to get done.
The lawyer drew up the paperwork to serve and I gave him Nate’s girlfriends address to serve the paperwork.
A few days later I got a call. “Why the hell am I getting served with paperwork for child support?”
“Oh hi! Yes, your son and I are fine, thank you. And the paperwork? Well, you have a child. And as much as you want to deny it, you are obligated to support him in some way.”
“You said I didn’t have to be involved. If you couldn’t do it on your own, you should have had an abortion.”
“Wow. You are an ass. Luckily, the state agrees with me. The main thing I want is for you to sign over custody, and that is what the paperwork will have.”
“I would rather sign away all my rights to that mistake.”
I would love to say I was being strong, but I was sobbing. How could he say that about my son? My everything? I officially knew what true hate felt like.